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Friday, 9 February 2007

image for Pavrotti Comes Out of Retirement Will Perform World Tour Again
Pavarotti when he was younger chills out. The big lad's on the road again

Opera legend, Luciano Pavarotti, is being coaxed from retirement and will once more tread the boards of the Opera Houses of the world.

The big Italian lad, who quit live performances a while ago, told us:

"I theenk de voice wasa beginning to go so was time to pack it in. But now I have beena reading the biography of Le Petomane and I havea been inspire-ed bya heem and I ama maiking a coming back"

We understand that Luciano is going to turn his not inconsiderable musical bumhole to performing what are being dubbed 'Arseias', and even now he is working in a secret rehearsal location with the Berlin Philharmonic. Opera critic, Tarquin Pubes, comments:

"I believe that Pavarotti is intending to include Nessun Dorma and Ave Maria in his repertoire and already concert halls and promoters from around the world are clamouring for the big lad's services"

There is some talk however of insurance companies being fearful of what they are calling 'arseia blow out damage', as a result of some of the star's intended programme containing the legendary opera 'holy grail' of the high 'C'. A spokesman for Norwich Union told us.

"Premiums are sure to be high, as the cost to power-hose somewhere like La Scala would be astronomical should the former tenor 'misfire' during a performance"

Tickets for the London shows, to be held at the new Wembley Stadium, go on sale tomorrow with a price-tag of £500.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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