Iran religious leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei announced today that Iran would respond to any U.S. aggression by striking at America's interests all over the globe, prompting President George W. Bush to proclaim Iran the latest in line for a good old-fashioned ass-whoopin'.
US - Iran relations have been tense since the Iraq war began, and worsened when the United Nations Security Council passed a resolution in December imposing sanctions against Iran aimed at curbing its nuclear weapons program. Rumors have surfaced of a U.S. invasion of Iran similar to the invasion of Iraq that turned up no weapons of mass destruction - and not so much as a firecracker.
"Our enemies shall know that any act against Iran will result in swift retaliation against their interests worldwide," Khamenei said. "Mr. Bush in particular should understand that we will tolerate no such actions."
"Sounds to me like Iran is asking for an ass-whoopin'," Pres. Bush told reporters while playing a round of golf. "They know where we stand when it comes to nucular [sic] weapons, especially when it comes to them Middle Easterners. Only the good old United States is allowed to have weapons like that."
Asked if he considered Iran a threat, Pres. Bush said, "Naw, they're just spouting off. We aren't gonna do nothing to them old boys unless they force our hand. But if he keeps flapping his jaws, he's liable to find out what our red, white and blue foot feels like in his sand-covered ass. Hand me my pitchin' wedge, Condoleeza."