London - (Rotters): What would Jesus snort? That is the title of a new theological tome debating the number one perplexing issue dominating current church thinking as god squad groupies grapple with complexities of urban life that might tempt the Lord as he mingles incognito with typical followers during the second coming.
The authors postulate that cocaine and crack would be the messiah's top recreational drugs of choice although his beardie sandal-toting lifestyle might single him out to be just a regular skunk smoking hippie type growing his own in a hydroponics set-up at a Brixton squat in Railton Road, London SE22.
Throwing the smack dealers out of the Reverend Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Protein Pancake Metropolitan Tabernacle in south London's Elephant and Castle district would have to be a priority if the Lord's preaching credential are to be established properly. And a face-off with the Met's narcotics squad is bound to happen sooner or later.
The book dismisses current fashionable suggestions that Jesus would probably be a clubbing kind of guy hooked on ecstasy and indie/garage music. A more likely scenario given his former water-into-winos trick is that he might end up a meths drinker, dried out by the Salvation Army and repackaged as a born again AA member.
But then again he might go a lot more up-market and use a stint at The Priory to meet a few 21st century babes, double zero super models and entertainment industry bum-bandits to form his new coterie of disciples.
What Would Jesus Snort the movie is scheduled for shooting next month on location in London.