Kansas City, KA - In a freak, coincidental phenomena everyone on earth opened their bibles at the exact same time, creating the largest dust storm in the planet's history.
Scientists are baffled by two things: How everyone on earth could decide to open their bibles at the exact same time and how to deal with the aftermath - The Great Dust Storm of 2007.
"Right now," says Brandon Arden, 48, a meteorologist at Yale University, "we need to focus on the aftermath of this thing. Although it is curious that the whole population of the planet decided to read their bibles at the same moment, we now find ourselves in the midst of a disaster."
Arden says that every country on the planet has reported "great clouds of Apocalyptical dust choking citizens and killing local wildlife."
"It just seems strange," continued Arden, "that when people finally decide to let the bible direct their affairs, that is what kills them. This only proves what we've been trying to say all along - belief in a Christian god can kill you!"
Officials are asking people to put their bibles back where they were and the problem will eventually "dissipate."
"Don't read your bibles," said Trisha Yearly, a UN official. "Put them back on the shelves and never touch them again. The dust will settle, the air will clear and everything will go back to how it should be: No use of the word "God" in school, no insulting crosses around the necks of students and coworkers, and no bible reading."
"We can beat this," says Arden. "Let's just hope the whole world doesn't decide to break out their hidden collection of Mamma's Family reruns."