Newly-crowned Miss World Shilpa Shetty shocked crowds of wellwishers yesterday when she confessed to never having heard of Britney Spears.
The Indian Goddess of Beauty, who has an even more beautiful sister, Shamita, was at Heathrow Internazional Airport saying farewell to the racist country that has taken her to its heart.
She said she was grateful to God, and her mother, and everyone who voted for her, and Tony Blair, and Dirk, Jermaine, Ken Russell and that fish-faced slag whose name she couldn't recall.
"I love you all", she said, "but most of all I love the winner's cheque."
Asked whether she saw herself as a sex queen in the style of Britney Spears, she looked confused and asked "Who's she?"
Shetty's one blind spot appears to be her poor judgement of some people, and an inability to detect braindead, twisted morons in her midst, such as several of her Big Brother housemates.
When it was pointed out to her that Spears was a successful first-class trailer-park tramp, the most divine entity in the universe just shrugged and said "She sounds like a nice girl. I'd like to meet her."
Earlier, Shilpa had been driven around London on a victory parade atop an open-air double decker bus, with an Indian conductor. At least 3 million screaming people (including 2.99 million Indians) lined the route to congratulate her, some burning effigies of fish-faced fat slags.
When she arrives back home, Shilpa is due to make a new film about her experiences in the BB house.
Renowned Bollywood director Prakesh Burapapoppadomorwhatever* said "We have our shining star. Now we just need three loser fish-faced slags for the bit parts."