Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: McDonalds, Fast Food

Monday, 29 January 2007

image for McDonalds Will Fold If New Victims Are Not Found
Victim #67502

An industry watchdog has warned, in a report, that some of the big names in the fast food sector face closure if they do not find new victims for the crap they are peddling.

The report, by the Commission for Unilateral Nutritional Titilation (CfUNT), also says that companies such as McDonalds, Bugger King and Kentucky Cried Ficken are at risk from other developing organisations who have come up with a revolutionary new concept - selling edible food.

Key player McDonalds is under pressure in the US from McRonalds, whilst in the Far East, it faces stiff competition from the McShit Corporation in China, and its subsidiary, McDeadbird, in Japan and Thailand.

The Eastern European market is largely controlled by McGoulash, and in the Canary Islands, McStroke is a new force to be reckoned with.

The main area of concern for the Big 3, though, is the lack of new blood coming through their doors.

With many of the current clientele already well on the way to coronary heart disease, experts believe that, within the next ten years, vast numbers of customers will have exchanged their McMuffins for McCoffins.

Replacing the dead will not be easy. The gimmick of free plastic Disney toys is, like much of the food on offer, well past its sell-by date, and healthy eating initiatives are rife. Innocent youngsters appear to be the only solution to the McProblem.

David Peedo, UK spokesman for McCorpse, said "More addictive additives in our product will safeguard our future, although, sadly, not those of your addicted kids. I'm lovin' it!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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