Written by Craig of D.
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Monday, 15 December 2003

image for Saddam: "Being found was good for my career"

Saddam Hussein, who was discovered near Tikrit at the weekend, has had a career resurgence since his capture a few days ago. The Iraqi dictator, who reigned over his people cruelly for years, had barely registered a blip in the tabloids for months prior to his emergence.

However, his new image has earned him a flood of supporters. Brylcreem, who have previously sponspored 'Stuttering Hopeful' Gareth Gates, have offered Hussein a £1 Million Sponsorship deal, if he continues to use the products in his beard.

"He's an evil bastard, but he sells gel" said head of marketing and commerce, Nigel Lowfress.

"Essentially, I'd have gaven Adolf Hitler a Million Pounds if he had fashiond his moustache with Brylcreem - the real man's gel"

Despite the fact this evil man hasd committed some of the worst crimes ever heard of, and calls of execution, the companies are lining up to put his face on their product.

ITV1 are looking to maintain their strong Summer schedules with "Saddam Shame", where two couples visit the spider hole in which he was found, and attempt to sell it on the property market as a 19th Century Townhouse. They are also trying to secure rights to a Martin Bashir interview, should U.S Officials allow.

The BBC are denouncing the opposition's moves as "pathetic and dishonourable...a slap in the face to all British Soldiers". BBC Cheif Greg Dyke blasted the move as cheap exploitation, in an interview with Radio 5.

"Our schedules aren't for exploiting criminals or anybody else, Fame Academy Series 3 is currently at the top of our scheduling"

Saddam has refused to comment on rumours he is to appear in "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here" and Celebrity Fear Factor. His agent, Max Clifford stated, "we've got to get rid of the Ulrika rumours first"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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