Adhul, Iraq, in what was described by US Defence Secratary, Donald Rumsfeld as "The very definition of swift justice", Saddam Hussein has been processed, booked and released on three seperate charges of 'breach of the peace', 'evading arrest' and 'crimes against humanity'.
Saddam Hussein was captured in a small village in Iraq by American troops during their Christmas Party when two horny troopers went to strip off in a small hole. Saddam was found clutching a bottle of Wild Turkey and a box of cigars. Although disheveled, he was said to be in good spirits but quickly sobered up when he was struck repeatedly with the butt of an M16 rifle.
Troops allowed him one phonecall which he promptly made to the Producers of TV show Trisha to promise full and exclusive rights.
It is said that although many of troops had been carrying Anti-Saddam Hussein sentiments during the 6 month search, they quickly warmed to his wit and candour.
"He was singing in the back of the Humvee and started telling jokes and stuff and the boys just melted." Commented Staff Sgt Stan Granville.
"He's actually a very charismatic man...."
As Hussein (54) is a first offender and has an otherwise perfect record, troops have agreed to release him with a 'stern' warning.
"We don't want to appear soft" said Rumsfeld at this mornings press conference in front of the White House. "But we believe Saddam is sorry for what he has done and is ready to make a change to his life."
Aswell as the 45 hours of community service, Hussein has been ordered to apologise live on air to the families of the 4000 or so victims of his attrocities.
"For those who do think we have been too soft" Added Rumsfeld. "Remeber that Saddam now has a permanant record, affecting things like his ability to get a Visa in America and his future job prospects. If he reoffends, and I mean so much as steal a car, then we'll take him down to china town."