Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Monday, 22 January 2007

image for Donkey missing! Shrek in custody after police chase
Donkey pictured earlier this year on a photo shoot for "Bad Ass Monthly"

The showbiz world is in shock this evening over reports that "Donkey" has been reported missing from his Hollywood home. The Beverly Hills police department have released a statement confirming that his family are worried for Donkey's safety.

Police were called to Donkey's home at lunchtime today after a 911 call from a neighbour who heard some strange braying noises. Eyewitnesses say that a woman matching Princess Fiona's description had left the house earlier that day and that a large green man with ears like mushrooms was seen bundling a bulky sack into a bright green Hummer.

Shrek, Donkeys co-star in the successful series of films was arrested sometime later at a drive in McDonalds after a short pursuit in his Hummer, and has been taken into custody for questioning. Police have yet to declare whether Shrek has been charged with the kidnapping or not.

Rumours have been circulating in the gossip columns for some time now about Donkey and Princess Fiona being a little more than just colleagues and once again that old saying "theres no smoke without fire " appears to have a ring of truth about it.

Shrek and Princess Fiona have had their ups and downs since hitting the big time with the Princess repeatedly in rehab for her drug and alcohol addiction and Shrek's eye for the ladies keeping him on the front pages for all the wrong reasons.

Only last month he was pictured in a Dublin nightclub surrounded by members of the Clonkill Curlers ladies Camogie team while on a tour of Europe.

Steven Spielbergs "Dreamworks" and Paramount pictures are already locked in crisis talks trying to salvage something from the disastrous turn of events.

"Shrek 3" is due for release on May 18 and clearly Shrek's lawyer Bud Icangetuof is hoping the same will apply to his incarcerated client.

"It's obviously a case of mistaken identity" he said "any one could have done it, I mean come on! Has any one asked the Hulk where he was at lunchtime"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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