Written by King David
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Topics: North Korea, Rabbits

Saturday, 20 January 2007

image for Great White Rabbit Discovered In Cave May Help Feed North Koreans
Knights Who Say "Neet" Honing Their Skills

The great white rabbit discovered in a cave by King Arthur and the Knights who say "Neet" may be used to help feed hungry North Koreans. The rabbit got a Korean government official's attention yesterday after watching the movie, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The official was reported to have asked where the rabbit had come from.

Terry Gilliam, whose online fanzine, "dreams" displays a sign, "Will Direct For Food" sensed opportunity and contacted the North Korean official and a deal was struck whereby Gilliam would ship the great, white rabbit discovered in a cave to N. Korea to help start a government sponsored rabbit breeding program.

A North Korean official in Pyongyang says that a rabbit that size can provide one thousand kilos, or about one ton of meat.

"You can eat all the parts of a rabbit," Gilliam says, "everything but the intestines, lungs, and liver... from the stomach, you can make a roulade, a stuffed meat dish. There's lots of meat in the head. You can take it out and make liverwurst. Every part of the rabbit is good except the bones (vt)... those are "naughty bits" for the wife!"

The giant rabbit munches a carnivorous diet including questing knights that scream "neeeeet" at the top of their lungs, white-color criminals that steal retirement pensions and Hollywood starlets that reveal their "naughty bits" to the public. They will also eat green shrubberies. Gilliam says the giant rabbit needs to eat about 100 pounds of food a day. That's 10 times as much as the North Korean government distributes to many of its people to survive. But Gilliam isn't worried the rabbit will starve. He's heard that there are many white-collar criminals in North Korea.

Gilliam also revealed that, in an emergency, the giant rabbit will eat rice, something that North Koreans produce in abundance. But when you feed them rice, Gilliam adds, he must also have a lot of liquids, so he doesn't get bloated or stopped up.

"A stopped up rabbit that size could be dangerous to the public," he said.

But North Korean officials were reported undaunted saying that they were always looking for new ways to develop weapon systems.

The North Korean embassy in England told Spoof reporters that there is enough food for the rabbits. Dr. Dike Dungford, deputy director in North Korea of the United Nations' food aid program says at this point there is just enough food for people.

"We haven't seen evidence of starvation," Dr. Dungford says. "We are concerned that the food shortage is worsening, and hope that the new rabbit program will answer North Koreans hopes to generate more food."

International contributions to feed North Korea dropped dramatically after Pyongyang tested a nuclear weapon last fall. Major supporters, the U.S., Japan and South Korea, suspended food aid entirely.

Gilliam said, "Think of all the North Korean children that may not receive enough food to stay healthy and alive. Isn't it selfish of a government to think more of developing bombs than it's children?"

But Gilliam's south end critics don't see him entirely void of ulterior motive since a rabbit that size produces a lot of shit and somebody has to be in charge of cleaning the cage.

In other news today, N. Korea's new "Modest Proposal" suggests eating South Korea's young babies.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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