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Saturday, 20 January 2007

image for Cure For The Common Cold Found In Sweden
Professor Olssen (in tie) sings up a new member of his control group yesterday

A group of Swedish boffins from Sweden in Holland claim to have perfected the cure to the common cold and if it's substantiated then the sky's the limit in money terms, with pharmaceutical giants from around the world sure to be beating a path to their door.

Professor Olaf Olssen told us:

"We have developed a sure-fire cure for the common cold and it's foolproof. So far we can report 100% success with our control group, with the total cessation of all symptoms immediately after treatment.

There are one or two problems with the procedure but we are looking at crystallising it and perhaps making it a bit less drastic. Think of how heart surgery was once a big deal but now it's totally routine"

We asked for more specific details and the Prof commented:

"The procedure is to chop the sufferer's head off and that does the job immediately. However it has several unwanted side effects the worst of which is the sudden and complete death of the patient. If we can just eradicate this then we are home free"

Our photographer, who was sniffing as the interview was carried out, was offered a chance to have an instant cure before he developed a full blown cold but he ran from Olssen's lab closely followed by our reporter.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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