Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 19 January 2007

image for Was Cheney a VIP at Ukrainian PM's hunting party?
"Just don't say anything about a bad wolf, d'ya hear?

Chernobyl Forest - (Rioters): Ukrainian secret service personnel are investigating reports that US Vice President Dick Cheney may have been a VIP guest at Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych's wild boar hunting party where Yevgeny Kushnaryov, one of the country's most powerful and controversial politicians, died after being shot in a thicket.

Mr Kushnaryov and nine other members of Yanukovych's cabinet were apparently out stalking wild boar in the dense Ukrainian savannas in the east of the country when tragedy struck.

"We often spend our leisure time together like this", said the Ukrainian PM. "It's just the sort of wholesome and manly thing we Ukrainian politicians do together, unlike some we know east of the border who only ever socialise occasionally in the state-run brothels and gambling hell-holes of the Politburo, no names mentioned of course."

But now secret service agents are risking a major diplomatic incident by asking whether Dick Cheney was among the party members. They have issued a press statement which says: "Was it careless gun handling? Or was it an accident caused by a ricochet, or that he was murdered?"

Cheney, 69, once famously accidentally shot his attorney after a psychotic episode where he became convinced former US Vice President Dan Quayle was stalking him in the Adironducks.

But this incident could be more serious.

An official spokesman at the US Embassy has said the hunting party was on its way home when they saw a bad wolf and leapt from their cars to shoot at it. In the frenzied firing Kushnaryov was shot by one of the hunters but no one remembers exactly who.

In another account witnesses say the wolf was a side issue and that Kushnaryov insulted Cheney who challenged him to a duel. While yet another version of the story says Cheney complained of being followed, turned around suddenly to face his stalker and fired twenty rounds at point blank range while screaming the words "die you rotten stinkin' bastard".

A coroner's inquest is expected to clarify the position early next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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