BEIJING - China's controversial Panda breeding programme was thrown into chaos today when a unit of highly intelligent mutant ninja pandas broke out of the high security panda factory where they were being bred to be flogged to panda-less zoos across the world.
Residents were sent fleeing in all directions as the highly intelligent pandas set up picnic base in a nearby supermarket car park, elected a leader, and then devolved into autonomous panda units to march on Beijing. They left a trail of destruction in their wake, ripping off wing-mirrors and shaping them into deadly missiles. They are thought to be unstoppable.
George W. Bush said he would do all he could to ensure these rogue insurgents were made to contemplate the evil they do.
British expert, Ludvig von Strongheim, had been working with the Chinese for a decade:
'I told them this vould happen.'
Hours later, von Strongheim's body was discovered hideously impaled on a bamboo shoot. China's controversial panda breeding programme involves mating pandas with polar bears, and switching their diet from eucalyptus leaves to bison meat.
A team of British experts are on the way to Beijing with the latest state-of-the-art equipment. Barry Gland and Ron Blunt, a Gloucester-based mutant panda recovery team, said:
'We have the latest technology, but Barry left it at the airport. Barry, you tosser.'
Despite setbacks, the British team will be able to save the day, and the people of Beijing will be able to return to their homes. More on the success of the British team tomorrow.