Written by Jarvis
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Topics: Scotland, Genetics

Wednesday, 17 January 2007

image for Scotch Gene Identified: A Brave New World Beckons.

The Scotch could face extinction by the year 2500 as English boffins identify the gene responsible for ginger hair, buck teeth, tightness, transvestism and whinging.

Nicknamed the Scotch Gene, TRD06 could be eradicated quite easily and painlessly from the DNA of healthy Scotchmen and women giving rise to a new generation of chipless shouldered Brits.

"Imagine a world where you can stand at a train station in London without being asked for your spare change" remarked Dr Mountbatten at the UK science conference yesterday, "this is a very exciting time for all those who value Britain as a nucleus of evolutionary development."

There is opposition to the scheme though; Buckfast, makers of fortified wine have joined forces with the Afghanistan heroin Industry and UK Chip Oil Federation to protect their joint patronage.

Indeed, when questioned yesterday Alex Salmons of the Scottish Nationals Party remarked, "how come when England win a gold medal it's always reported as England winning a gold medal but when Scotland win a gold medal it's reported as Britain winning a gold medal."

Dr Mountbatten response: "this is exactly the sort of tired, repetitive whinging we hope to eradicate with the removal of TRD06 AKA the Scotch Gene."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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