Written by Saint
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Topics: America, War, Hawaii

Wednesday, 17 January 2007

image for Hawaii Secedes from USA, Declares War
Once considered a paradise on earth, Hawaii has vowed global domination

In a shocking turn of events this afternoon, the American state of Hawaii has officially withdrawn it's membership from the United States.

The former governor of Hawaii and now self-proclaimed ruler of the soon to be not-so-free world, Linda Lingle has unveiled what many conspiracy theorists have long feared: Hawaii's vast nuclear arsenal.

Immediately after revealing their weapons arsenal, the Hawaiian government quickly proceeded to declare war on "every nation currently located on Planet Earth."

In a surprise move, and contrary to expectations, the new Hawaiian "empire" has vowed to abstain from using fear tactics backed by their nuclear arsenal and instead to use ground tactics against their enemies.

A popular argument against Highness Lingle's tactics is the fact that all of the Hawaiian islands combined are not big enough to house the American military alone, clearly indicating that they would be outnumbered. When confronted with this point, Lingle unveiled another surprising aspect of their infrastructure.

Their current base of operations, the city of Atlantis, is more than big enough to house the number of troops necessary to overtake all cell-phone companies and Starbucks sites in the country, effectively crippling the American nation.

Whether or not the Hawaiian "empire" will be successful where every regime has failed since Alexander the Great is a highly debated prospect and one that is simply too close to call.

Next Story: "L.A., New York attacked by giant mermaids"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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