Al Gore today addressed an organization he helped found, the ICRGWBOAIAWCNW (International Community for the Reversal of Global Warming for the Betterment of the American, Israeli, and Anyone With the Capacity for Nuclear Warfare), at a fund-raising event in support of recent efforts by the ICRGWBOAIAWCNW to find alternative fuels. In a presumably unscripted portion of the speech, the former vice president informed the members of the organization that their efforts and the tenacity with which they tried to spread their propaganda had been 'amusing'. Mr. Gore would go on to elaborate:
"I really do appreciate all the effort you people have put into this thing. I understand that many of you have lost all credibility with the mainstream media, political circles, and even some of your families, in an effort to further my cause. In light of all of this it is only right of me to offer my deepest thanks to everyone who believed in me enough to take me at my word without actually researching the stuff on your own. You guys have been a riot. It is also only fair of me to let everyone here know about the joke before I tell those unbelievers. Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the unadulterated truth; Global warming was a joke I thought of in a counseling session after my defeat by that Bush person. This really isn't my fault though if you think about it, as a child I was exposed to the continual displaying of guns which led to my combative nature."
Though he went on to speak for an additional 19 hours, the transcript is basically a repetition of those first couple of statements. In response to a question asked by a reporter outside the building after the paramedics revived him from his alcohol-induced coma, Mr. Gore said simply:
"The evidence of Global Warming? Ya, that was my idea too. I actually had my dear friends Bill and Melinda (Gates) help me get Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's uranium enrichment sites established about a mile underneath Antarctica. You know, I figured the heat from the reactors would make the icebergs melt, which could be pretty convincing."
Upon request by our reporters for a reaction from the President, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow reported President Bush to have "laughed hysterically" throughout the course of Mr. Gore's speech. According to Secretary Snow, "The President watched the entire speech. And laughed at all 1,140 minutes of it."
Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment; though we were assured he would be back from his hunting trip with Barrack Obamba promptly.