United Nations Secretary General, Kofi Annan, announced the appointment today of New Zealander Ross Mountain as Interim Envoy to Iraq. Mr. Mountain will take over the duties of Sergio Vieira De Mello who was blown up in Baghdad on August 19th.
"I believe Mr. Mountain is well suited to take over the duties of Mr. Vieira De Mello, at least until someone kills him," Mr. Annan was quoted as saying, "This, coupled with the fact that I don't really like the guy and wouldn't care if he gets splattered makes him an excellent choice for the post."
Mr. Mountain, when notified of the appointment screamed, "Oh God, no! What have I ever done to Annan to deserve this? I'm too sick to travel...I'm in the middle of painting my house...the car needs an oil change...I can't go! Please!" United Nations workers, after prying Mr. Mountains fingers from the railing of his front steps, drove the sobbing Envoy to the airport and, once he was adequately sedated, flew him off to Baghdad.
In other news, the United Nations has launched a new interactive cartoon, called ‘HIV/AIDS - Stand Up For Human Rights'. The cartoon portrays the HIV/AIDS virus dressed as Arab terrorists attacking an unsuspecting world population. Sources close to the project suggest that American President George W. Bush submitted the cartoon concept and promised Kofi Annan that he wouldn't bomb the U.N. building in New York City if the idea was used.
Mr. Bush has often expressed his interest in fighting AIDS, mostly because it's the only disease that he can spell. "I don't think Diseases like E Bol...E Bal...you know what I mean, or that other one, malari...mylara...whatever it is, are that important when you compare them AIDS. That's spelled A...I...D...S in case anyone wants to know. Laura told me."