Written by Jalapenoman
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Thursday, 11 January 2007

image for Australian Crocodiles in Depression Due to Loss of Steve Irwin
The tired, lethargic expression shows the depression in this crocodile.

Depression has hit the Australian swamps and prozac and paxil prescriptions have gone up dramatically in the last few months. Psychologists, Zookeepers, and Veterinarians are blaming this on the death of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin.

In an exclusive interview, Dr. Honus Mandrake said, "The poor beasts are upset. I have not seen this same reaction since the death of Johnny Weismuller (Tarzan in several movies). I don't think we'll see this again until we lose Mick (Crocodile) Dundee."

"It really is upsetting. All they do is just lie around all day feeling sorry for themselves. It isn't because they're missing Irwin, it's because they all hoped to be the one to finally eat him, and now that chance has been taken away by a stingray. Steve would put himself, or his children, right up to their mouths and tempt and tease them with his own flesh. They all wanted to bite that succulent, juicy flesh."

"This has hit the crocs the hardest that were in the Irwin family zoo. Several have had to be sedated and a few are even suicidal. The further you get from the zoo, the less the depression."

"I understand that this is mostly localized to Australia. The Alligators in Florida in the United States are not upset right now. In fact, they are jubilant as a football team named the Gators just won the American college football championship."

"African crocodiles are showing no signs of depression at all. They just seem to continue merrily on their way, chomping on would-be hunters in pith helmets and local tribesman armed only with spears."

"We hope that the emergence of Irwin's children will eventually bring our crocodiles back around to being the savage, blood thirsty beasts that we all know and love!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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