Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Princess Diana

Wednesday, 10 January 2007

image for New Diana Evidence Turns Up
A photo-fiat of the wanted car

PARIS: There was a startling new twist in the Princess Diana Murder Inquiry today as two new witnesses came forward to give evidence.

The two, who cannot be named, because they are French and nobody can pronounce their names properly, have different pieces of information which could prove vital to the outcome of the investigation.

Police have, for nearly ten years, tried to locate a missing white Fiat seen entering the Alma tunnel in Paris just seconds before the Mercedes carrying the People's Princess and Alfie Dodd, and their driver, Ayrton Senna. Their search had, thus far, been in vain, but with the statements given by the new witnesses, assigned codenames 'Frog' and 'Snail', the case could be one step closer to its conclusion.

The first witness, 'Frog', says he was laid just inside the Alma tunnel by the side of the road as the cars entered it. He had been drinking "an enormous amount of beer" and was "recuperating". Hearing the screeching of brakes and the obvious sound of a collision, he looked up from his horizontal position to see the Mercedes and, not a white Fiat, but a white ice-cream van.

He now also thinks he may have heard the "pleasant jingle that summons children" on hot summer days.

Taken on its own, the story is worthless, the result of "a few too many", but, all this changed when 'Snail' reported what she saw later that Sunday in Le Bois de Boulogne, Paris.

Riding her bike, with onions hanging from the handlebars, she stopped to buy an ice cream. To her surprise, the vendor was none other than Prince Charles. Realising he had been recognised, he barked orders to the driver to "Go! Go! Go!", and the van sped off at Light Speed. 'Snail' is almost certain that the driver of the van was the Duke of Edinburgh.

French police are taking the stories seriously but have, as yet, been unable to trace the ice-cream van.

Or the white Fiat.

Buckingham Palace have reacted angrily to the claims, calling them "ridiculous" and saying that, not only has Prince Charles never been an ice-cream man, but also that he has never done a day's work in his life.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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