Police in New York have established that the bad smell that has been wafting through the city these past few days is the work of Islamic extremists.
Speaking from the 15th Precinct, Detective Andy Sipowicz foamed at the mouth as he told reporters that a lengthy search by officers had unearthed several "Stinkbombs" at various sites in the city. Amongst these, he said, were the UN Building on First Avenue, and Manhattan's Waldorf Hotel, where officers found one of the already-detonated bombs in a rubbish bin in the Gents toilet.
Other targets included the Statue Of Liberty, the Brooklyn Bridge and the Bronx Zoo, where animals complained to their keepers about the rancid odour.
Several branches of McDonalds were also affected, but it is unclear as to whether this was due to anything other than the stench of rampant capitalism.
Detective Sipowicz said he believed that the devices were not the work of al-Qaeda, but of a splinter group that dabbled in lower-grade terrorist activities. He warned members of the public to remain vigilant, and to report any suspicious-looking Arabian people to the Police. If the Police didn't turn up within four hours, he went on, people should take the Law into their own hands, and spray the suspect with deodorant or household air freshener.
Under no circumstances, though, should the suspect be shot. That was a job for the Police, he said.