Warsaw - (Rioters): Just one hour before his official inauguration as the Primate of Warsaw, Archbishop Stanislaw Phygelius has been dumped from the top church job after admitting collaborating with the secret police and snitching up his colleagues during his slime up the greasy career Pole forty years ago.
As Polish TV audiences gasped in horror, Phygelius's confession was read out to church congregations throughout the land and the full depravity of his lying, cheating mendacity became clear to all and sundry.
The Vatican immediately moved to quell the furore and a senior legate was despatched from the Holy Sea to negotiate a top-notch Opus Dei posting for hapless Phygelius.
Pope Joseph Ratzinger's spokesman said: "This is unfortunate because the Holy Mother Church's vow of silence has been broken. However, there are a number of vacancies in the rehabilitation of pervert priests that might suit His Eminenece and we are studying his many qualifications closely."