Written by Bunts
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Saturday, 6 January 2007

image for Royal Navy resizes
These will certainly have to go

A 'leaked' UK government document shows that the Royal Navy is to be resized.

This involves the laying-up of every ship the Navy has. However, the public has no need to worry about terrorist attacks from sea. There are 'contingency' plans in place.

It is a closely guarded secret, but there will be a volunteer stationed at the Lizard, Portsmouth, Brighton, and Dover (nothing for Scotland - but they are going independent anyway.) These people will be equipped with a telescope - thus able to report on their mobiles any attacks.

Although the Admiralty has been disbanded, the reports will go straight through to the Ministry of Defence.

A spokesman for the MoD stated "although the Navy has been resized, at any given moment, within 45 minutes we can have 3 rowing boats in the water, anywhere on the south coast."

(People looking to buy a frigate or destroyer can look on e-bay. Sorry, they only come in one colour - Pusser's Grey. Food parcels, and offers of kit can still be sent to the Ministry of Defence.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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