Dead Sea - (Ass Mess): The recent discovery of a pre-hysteric latrine at the Dead Sea Scrolls site of Qumran has taken another twist this week as a team of French paleo-parasitology researchers slammed the ancient acetic Jewish sect of Essene residents as 'utter parasites' whose sanitary arrangements were far from the caring-sharing image promoted in their PR literature.
Their findings confirm theories that the toilet was merely a symbolic trophy room for passing dignitaries who bestowed immense riches on tribal elders in exchange for a peek at their fabled scholarly writings.
But the elders were a mean and tight-fisted bunch of anal-retentives who did not care one jot for their fellow bretheren whom they treated with disdain. And in reality none of their bestowed wealth was ever passed on to the hoi-palloi who were made to march up a steep hill to a patch of ground outside the city walls to fulfil their daily needs in the open air.
This week's latest discoveries may put a spanner in the works for Dead Sea Scrolls expert Dr Giza Worms whose doctoral faeces on the archaeological similarities between the Qumran site and the Pyramids may now hang in the balance.
A statement is expected shortly from his orifice.