Irish singing sensation, Daniel O'Donnell, has been voted the blandest performer in the world in a poll by readers of heavy metal magazine Kerrang.
The clean cut, mammy's boy, was said to be delighted by the news as he spoke from his home on the west coast of Ireland:
"This is tremendjus news right enough. I have been bland for as long as I can remember and to have it confirmed by Kerrang is the icing on the cake"
Daniel beat the Peter Pan of pop, Sir Cliff Richard, into second place courtesy of his dire versions of the Jim Reeves classics, Distant Drums and He'll have to go.
Sir Cliff said:
"I thought I had this genre wrapped up but since Daniel's come on the scene I'm beginning to sound quirky and edgy.
Hell raising bassist from heavy metal hard rockers Motorhead, Lemmy, commented:
"I think that Dan is painfully bland and I just couldn't imagine listening to one of his tracks for any more than 3 seconds without wanting to slit my wrists.
Des O'Connor is said to be inconsolable at the news.