Written by King David
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Saturday, 30 December 2006

image for Armani To Come Out With New Line of Execution Wear; Reported Disgusted With Hussein's Appearance
Armani discussed with Hussein's appearance wanted to help the former dictator

Fashion designer, Giorgio Armani says today that he will be working on a new line of execution clothing for men. Sources close to the highly successful clothing designer say that he was inspired by yesterday's execution of Saddam Hussein and was very disgusted with how badly the former dictator looked as he went to the gallows, wishing that there was some way that he could have helped him.

"We want these men to look their best in their time of dying," the clothing designer was reported as saying. "We're tired of seeing them in the orange jump suits and overalls, and feel we can help them improve upon their image. Orange and white compete and don't really go together."

The clothing designer, who is Catholic, says that he realizes the importance of looking your best in front of clergy, especially if your soul is going to be judged in either direction (thumbs up or thumbs down) for an eternity.

"Besides, these men have been humiliated and need a little boost at the end of their lives to offset vilification," the clothing designer was reported as saying, "one last impression to leave with the world that they may not have been so bad after all. Politicians and bankers understand this principal."

But critics pointed to a definite cost issue. Most men who will be executed are not former dictators and cannot afford the extremely high cost of a Giorgio Armani suit.

"Where are these men going to get the jack to afford a jacket from the high-end clothing designer?" one critic asked.

Sources who are close to Armani say that since he sees it as an act of humanitarianism, the compassionate clothing designer is willing to donate all the suits to be worn by the executed as long as somewhere in his final statement he puts in a good word for the designer, something like, "this suit sure feels nice, or what a good man Armani is to let me wear one of his expensive suits on my way to meet my maker."

Sources close to the clothing designer say that he did seem quite impressed with all the publicity around the Hussein execution and did admit that adding humanitarian status will not hurt his highly successful, multi-billion dollar company.

"Where else am I going to go? I'm already on every billboard in Times Square," he was reported as telling reporters.

Armani says that he will be using male cadavers from the Paris morgue (yes, the word, morgue is actually a French word and comes from, la Morgue) and body doubles from the Hollywood movie, "Weekend At Bernie's" to model his new line and said that priests would be on hand to sprinkle holy water and say prayers at cadaver dedication ceremonies.

The clothing designer who has built his reputation on paying close attention to details will not spare any in making this his most successful line ever.

"We don't see any world-wide shortages in executions coming up in the near future," he said. "In fact, we see even more opportunity and can only feel hopeful that our line will grow along with the world's appetite for bloodshed."

The clothing designer has been praised for being a highly successful predictor of trends in the clothing industry.

"I haven't been wrong yet," he was reported as saying.

In other news today, to prepare for the clothing designer's new line of execution wear, state officials say they want to help the designer by adding another designation to your driver's license.

Now, in addition to being able to choose whether you want to be an organ donor, you will also have the option of being able to donate your body to Armani. Officials will know that you've made this selection by the little, black suit instead of a red, organ donor's heart on your driver's license.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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