Written by Duff
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Topics: Global Warming

Thursday, 28 December 2006

image for My Neighbour's Caused Global Warming Says Scientist
"This would be snow scene if it wasn't for my neighbour's central heating": Azalaff

In a move that's sure to split the science world from top to bottom, a clever scientist type has claimed that Global Warming has been caused by his next door neighbour's heating system.

Isaac Azalaff, from Greece in Greece, made the extraordinary claim today at Global Warming Symposium in Carshalton in Surrey.

Azalaff told the packed gathering that his neighbour never turned his central heating off, even in the summer, and that this was undoubtedly the prime reason for the phenomenon.

"My neighbour is always complaining of being cold and every time I've been round his house for dinner his heating's going full belt!

"It's obvious that this is the prime cause of the problem and I happen to know also that he has not signed up to the Kyoto agreement. Oh yeah, and he's always leaving lights on too" said Azalaff.

However a straw poll showed the gathering to be divided on Azalaff's findings with many sceptics voicing contrary opinions. One theory being postulated was that the problem was most likely being caused by herds of dairy cows in Cornwall breaking wind, while another spoke of a man called Peabody having a hand in it.

The temperature increase is also being blamed on things a diverse as Chelsea's current form in the Premiership and Simon Cowell's domination of the UK pop charts.

The high waist-banded impressario was not available for comment today but his cleaning lady told The spoof:

"Simon's very keen to keep things hot and only last week he mentioned that he now intends to sign that El NiƱo business to his ever-growing stable of talent"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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