Written by Yarmpo
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Topics: Saddam Hussein

Thursday, 28 December 2006

image for Saddam Pleads Death By Chocolate
Death by chocolate is not a pretty way to go

Saddam Hussein has written an open letter to U.S. politicians and a human rights group requesting he be allowed to gorge himself on Mars chocolate bars until completely comatose, as part of his upcoming execution.

The former Iraqi dictator who is nearing the conclusion of his trial for the deaths of hundreds of Shiites, said in his letter that chocolate was the "fare of infidels" and that having to taste it would be the "epitome of torture."

"I know the Western world and George Bush wish to see me suffer a humiliating death. So I have decided to point you in the right direction as far as any sort of execution is concerned," he wrote.

The dictator addressed the letter to "my favorite human rights group" Amnesty International, and "American politicians who are merciful and do not want any jihadist freedom fighters paying them or their families a surprise visit."

He added that any recent allusions to a "human meat grinder" in Iraq were "wholly and completely untrue and just downright ludicrous."

Such a method of execution was "disgusting and abhorrent," he said, adding that there was no point in American military officials looking for such a device under the trapdoor of the downstairs kitchen in his old palace because it was "definitely not there."

Meanwhile scores of international demonstrators have congregated outside Hussein's holding cell where in the last three days they have sung songs of solidarity and waved hundreds bars of Hershey's and Mars chocolate.

"I think we should give the man his due," said Leah Douglas, a 48-year-old homemaker from Boston in between throwing Ferrero Roches at the U.S. guards surrounding the cells.

"He's willing to die for his country in a most cruel way and I respect him for that. But I'd rather that they just let the poor man go back to his little hole in the ground because I think he was quite happy down there."

Abdul Hussein al-Musawi, the head of Najaf's governorate council, said that local Iraqis "didn't give a fig" about whether Saddam died by chocolate, bullets, meat grinder, "or figs for that matter."

Shiloh Wilcox of Amnesty International in Washington D.C. confirmed that the human rights organization had received Saddam's plea for death by chocolate but said that a backlog of hundreds of other cases involving Iraqi citizens meant it would be months before they could deal with Hussein's.

The former dictator, who is expected be executed in thirty days or less, is said to be hopeful that Amnesty will hear him out. He has asked that his last meal consist of a burger with fries and a "Diet Coke," to offset the calories from all the "infidel chocolate."

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