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Topics: Fidel Castro, Cuba

Wednesday, 27 December 2006

image for Fidel Castro Returns $900 Million To Cuban People
Castro - very remorseful

Maximum Cuban leader-for-life Fidel Castro has decided to come clean as he lays on his death bed. He has admitted that he has squirreled away $900 million dollars in offshore bank accounts and that he is returning this money to the Cuban people.

He also apologized to the families of an American he had shot before a firing squad for his Jeep dealership, another man he had shot for his 10,000 acres and to the families of over 100,000 other people he had shot.

Those to be executed were tortured into making false confessions. It was also the policy to drain the victims of their blood so it could be used to save good communists who had surgery or wounds and had suffered blood loss. This same thing is done in China daily as well as removal of internal organs from execution victims that can be transplanted or sold to the lucrative organ transplant industry. The blood draining and organ removal leaves those that are to be executed in a dazed state so that often they are not aware of their surroundings during their final moments. Most of these people are executed for petty crimes, economic and political crimes and it is done publicly so that obedience from the masses can be maintained through terror.

He has admitted that all of those fancy revolutionary slogans and flaming rhetoric were merely tools used to distract the politically naive and useful idiots that bought into that stuff while he robbed the country blind.

He is also releasing thousands of political prisoners. One ex-political prisoner named Rafael Gomez described how they would fill the cup of corn meal they received once a week with water so that the maggots would float to the top where they could be scraped off.

Castro has apologized for stealing everybody's land and for turning the pearl of the Caribbean into the turd of the Caribbean. He also expressed remorse for the thousands of juvenile girls that had been forced into prostitution so they could serve the sex tourism industry and its world wide clientele in Havana.

Another apology was for the help he gave to Columbian cocaine smugglers which facilitated the introduction of thousands of tons of cocaine into the United States .

He went on for hours for the Cuban Missile crisis which brought the world to the edge of nuclear holocaust and for exporting revolution to Africa and Central America and for corrupting Chavez , Ortega , and numerous other tin horn dictators and thieves like himself he added.

He suggested everyone read Orwell's Animal Farm despite the fact that the book is banned in all communist countries. His final wish was that North Korea, Vietnam, China, and other socialist or communists abandon their failed policies and outdated philosophies based on bad science from the 1800's and allow freedom to reign worldwide.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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