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Tuesday, 26 December 2006

image for Jesus Gives Rare Interview Aboard International Space Station
His favorite music is jazz though

Jesus showed up like a thief in the night aboard the International Space Station and gave surprised astronauts permission to conduct a rare interview .

Astronaut Jim Glenn was embarrassed when he said Merry Christmas to Jesus and Jesus responded by saying that he does not celebrate Christmas because he is Jewish.

The astronauts noticed that Jesus seemed to have picked up an English accent and he said, "Yeah, I picked that up hanging out with Madonna".

Jim asked the Lord if this appearance was part of his second coming - Jesus said - I'm not sure. I was down there on the Earth - incognito - and I saw how today's modern Christians don't want to get their hands dirty.

I used to wash the dirty feet of the exhausted traveler, feed the poor, heal the sick, bring the dead back to life, and stopped stonings. Today's Christian just wants to put a couple of bumper stickers on his car and this is enough to let him feel smug and that he has fulfilled his duties when we all know it is not that easy. Also today's Christians are staunch supporters of capital punishment despite the ten commandments clearly stating that thou shalt not kill.

Jim asks, with a straight look on his face, what Jesus thought about the Britney Spears' night out on the town and the exposure of her private parts - Jesus says that God designed the human body and the only thing filthy about it was the dirty thoughts that men held in their minds but that the sight of her surgical scar in the upper part of the photo left much to be desired.

Asked what his favorite rock band and TV show were and Jesus said he likes the Beatles and for TV he likes Seinfeld and kept watching the reruns. His favorite music is jazz though. He also said that God had a sense of humor and likes to have a drink now and then and said he mistrusted anyone who wore a bow tie or did not like to gamble a little bit.

He was opening up now and said I will let you in on a secret ... There are many universes and each one has its own God who are all in one and one in all and above this level there is one last administrative level. Some of these Gods think my dad is sort of a clown or a buffoon and as an example he talked about how God had created Satan even though he knew in advance there would be a lot of suffering because of it and about other imperfections and paradox issues. Remember God is alpha and omega and all knowing and all of that....but he can't admit his mistakes no more than can a prosecutor who has wrongly convicted someone.

There is always work to be done aboard the Space Station and so Jesus said I will leave you with this , "Americans spend $10 billion a year on donuts and look how fat they are - you guys should put more money into the space program and terrascape Mars and be ready to leave when the Sun reaches its final expansion state . War is a waste of time and I suggest you put your money and time into something productive like the space program.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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