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Tuesday, 26 December 2006

image for Naked Britney's Panties Eat Priscilla Presley's Sex Party Video For Beyonce's Sex Tape Shame
Naked Britney and Beyonce's sex tape at a secret viewing yesterday

That's the type of thing top people could be reading over their cornflakes and coffee in the new year if plans go ahead.

In a desperate effort to increase sales, highbrow UK newspaper The Telegraph, is appointing Richard Desmond, the man associated with The Sport Tabloid stable, as their scurrilous phrase and headlines Tsar.

So from January onwards we can expect to see, for no apparent reason, "Naked Britney's Panties" popping up in a story about Edith Spode who has grown a prize leek, or the headline "Priscilla Presley's Sex Shame", will leap out at us to draw our attention to a tale about Bert Chipshop who has done tireless work for charity or something like that.

A spokesman for The Telegraph told us:

"We are taken too seriously at present and we'd like to expand our circulation to include the average Joe working on building sites etc. These sorts of headlines, we believe, will get us into this lucrative area"

Darren Clapdoctor, a bricklayer, told us:

"Oh yeah bloomin' right mate! I'd buy it 'specially if they introduce page free birds an' that"

Beyonce Knowles is thinking about suing but will wait to see whether or not these types of headlines will increase her profile and ultimately record sales.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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