Written by Lee Edwards
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Tuesday, 26 December 2006

image for True Cause of Santa's Announced Retirement Revealed: Global Warming
The last time this happened there were many applicants for the position

Three of Santa's Reindeer Lost Due to Soft Ice in North Pole. Just hours after rumors of Santa's early retirement following his 2006 Christmas expedition, it has just been revealed that three of Santa's reindeer recently suffered broken forelegs due to soft ice caused by Global Warming.

A Santa Claus spokeswoman indicated that replacement reindeer were hastily trained to replace Prancer, Vixen and Blitzen. It has now been confirmed that this latest heartbreak was partly responsible for Santa's recent retirement announcement.

"No matter what happens, Christmas would never be the same," Mrs. Claus was reported to have blubbered between heavy sobs. The three damaged reindeer were shot and quietly buried in a private ceremony sometime within the week before Christmas. Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer clan have been exceedingly skittish this year as a result of the tragedy.

Many of the toys assembled by elves this year were streaked with tears, it has been reported. Santa was determined to carry on, but it was with a heavy heart and moist eye. After hollow sounding "Ho ho ho's" across portions of Canada, he gave up on his customary salute the rest of his joyless journey.

Trivia note: the names of the three replacement reindeer this year were Pickles, Wingnut and Pinky.

Applications for the new opening can be mailed to the North Pole.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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