Written by President Bush
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Topics: New Year

Tuesday, 26 December 2006

image for New Years Day Pushed Back to Jan 2nd
Macy's "Giant Goose Driving a Float" float

Macy's (the parade people) decided to move Jan 1st to Jan 2nd this year in order to complete work on their Every Member of Congress Playing Texas Hold'em float still under construction.

The quarter mile long float, brainchild of the Wayan Brothers and Larry the Cable Guy features, as the name says every member of Congress sitting around a quarter mile long 30 foot tall table playing Texas Hold'em and drinking beer.

"We thought way outside the box this year" Macy's CEO said. A bit too way far outside the box some analysts say. The real non-Texas Hold'em playing Congress is currently meeting with the real Supreme Court debating the legality of Macy's making adjustments to the Gregorian Calender by which all of civilization lives.

Dick Clark has already been told to show up for his "New Year's Rock'n Eve" celebration a day late, January 1st being New Year's Eve. Nathan Ryan, the guy who pushes the button that makes the great big Times Square ball drop told reporters,

"I don't mind showing up a day late to work seeing as how all I do is push a button and pocket half a grand, $750 if I do overtime and toss some confetti off the roof."

Tony Blair and other world leaders have not yet officially endorsed Macy's plan to push back New Years Day, Vladimir Putin going so far as to say he and Russia will celebrate New Years Day "any time they darned well please even if they have to poison every life-form on the planet to secure the right to do so."

Macy's apologizes for the inconvenience and encourages everyone to set their calenders back one day December 31st before going to bed promising a Jan 2nd to remember .. assuming the Ted Kennedy balloon doesn't blow again after downing one too many 6 foot tall inflated Schlitz Malt Liquor Bulls.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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