Written by Aspartame Boy
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Thursday, 4 January 2018

image for Earth's rotation slowed due to global farting
This reporter was the first to leave after the demonstration

Geneva, Switzerland - Professor Grostrou DuCul of Le Pied Malodorant University held a small press conference this afternoon to clarify how global warming is producing earth quakes.

According to the Professor both animals and humans turn their backs to the wind in cold weather. This aims a disproportionate quantity of farts in a westerly direction as winds are from the west in most areas of the earth. These fart gases oppose and slow the prevailing winds which in turn speeds the rotation of the earth.

This has the effect of stirring up the rim of fire, triggering earth quakes.

These earth quakes then throw people out into the street into the cold where more farting exponentially increases the effect.

The Professor advises spinning at random just prior to farting to lesson the problem. He demonstrated his techniques for the assembly after which most reporters filed out of the room.. holding their noses.

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