Osaka, Japan: A spate of robberies bamboozled Japanese police in Osaka as every time the cat burglar struck he was so fast nobody could catch him!
Dressed in a Ninja outfit, the police thought he must be an upset Ninja warrior frustrated at not being able to get a job as a Ninja fighter in a Jacky Chan movie. However, after breaking in to an electrical store and nicking 180 quids worth of gear he leaped on to a nearby wall but sneezed whilst jumping! So he stopped and pulled his mask down to blow his nose. Sadly, a CCTV camera caught a glimpse of his face revealing no sprightly 20 year-old; instead the guile cat burglar was a 74 year-old pensioner topping up his pathetic pension doing night-time cat calls!
After arresting him the police asked why on earth should a nimble, top-fit, 74 year-old pensioner, dressed in a Ninja uniform, turn to crime and his answer was:
"My missus is too old for sex, I'm too old to interest young females, and my testosterone levels are too high! So, to get a kick out of life, and improve my pension, I decided to release my frustrations by taking the piss out of you mob; it's much better than ending up being an 'Old Tosser'!"