Written by Gringo Lobos
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Local, Beach, Pensioners

Sunday, 3 September 2017

image for Local Council to seek Death Penalty for rogue pensioner that built a shed on the beach
Here we see police squad clearing the beach - See what illegal sheds lead to claimed police spokesperson

Today it has come to national attention that a local Council will seek the execution of a pensioner who built a shed on the beach, fixed the road and stopped people dumping rubbish.

As the plot unravels in the mainstream media it appears as though once again petty council officers are abusing their authority to fanatically persecute decent folk for their 'hideous crimes'.

Frank originally put the shed up to house his fishing boat, fixed the road the council refused to and put a gate to stop people dumping rubbish on the beach. The council then decided to take a militaristic response and issued several breaches and large fines. When he refused to trodden into the ground the council decided to inflict upon him the full weight of legalistic persecution. He stands to get a legal bill of $300,000 if he looses his hearing as well as forfeiting his family home and facing summary execution.

When council staff were asked what grounds there were for such a disproportionate response they cited the official Federal Liberal Party policy of destroying the lives of those who foolishly thought they could stand up for their civil rights. "In accordance with the Federal Treasurers policy directions where the weak, vulnerable and the poor were to be soft targets for profiteering", quoted the council officer.

Further research reveals the council has wasted all of its budget on council luncheons and overseas holidays and now needs to recover funds. In accordance with Australian community standards it is doing this via Machiavellian persecution of the vulnerable.

It also came to light the acting law firm has undeclared financial relations with several council members and has used the opportunity to rake in a fast buck, $200,000 of them thus far in this one case.

When asked for justification for their actions they cited the "now established political practice of zero tolerance for beach sheds and that the community should thank them for their altruistic actions of preserving community standards. Further and far more seriously he had foolishly decided to stand up for his civil rights which is now a criminal offense with 25 years in jail, so he is screwed", they bragged. "However given he had now gone public and said nasty things about council members they would be seeking the Death Penalty under the new 'WhistleBlower Protection Laws' which provided for summary execution for revealing corrupt government practices".

When pointed out that was not really protecting decent citizens from revealing corruption they replied that "the media often misinterpreted the new law, it should have been labelled 'Protecting the honorable men of government from nasty petty accusations from vulnerable citizens' to convey a more accurate representation of the facts".

The honorable gentleman from the law firm went on to smear the old guy with the fact he had a cat with unpaid parking fines which means he may have terrorist links. However they already had discussions with the Counter Terrorism Force to indicate they had the first rights to his execution and they would have to wait in the queue to kill him again after the council had finished. They also indicated they would be sending a black-ops team to the afterlife to kill him again so he couldn't find any peace there either. "After all if you think you can get away with beach sheds where will it end", they bellowed, "and further if God wanted decent people to be free he would not have made all the laws giving us the power to destroy them".

They also complained that having to answer pesky questions from the media was unproductive as they had many other death penalty persecutions underway including one family that has the audacity to think they can have a childs swing in their backyard.

Make Gringo Lobos's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 3?

7 12 9 13
58 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more