Written by Jaggedone
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Topics: masturbation, UN, WHO

Saturday, 26 August 2017

image for Global masturbating officially acknowledged by the WHO and UN as folks-sport Nr1!
no place for Sarah in the top ten WHO / UN global wankers charts but, many a man has had one on her!

Way back in the 1960's when the world officially acknowledged that people did have sex with each other, it caused a "Sexual Revolution" and the rest is history!

After roughly 50 years of officially jumping in and out of bed with whoever one wishes the WHO and UN have come out of their closets once again and declared masturbating as a healthy, sporty pastime which, is now the folks-sport "numero uno" in the world!

They have 2 classifications of the sport; one is physical participation and the second category is mental participation!

Masturbating or masturbators are commonly called, tossers, wankers, hand jivers (never heard of that one) and other terminology depending in which part of the globe one resides.

The UN have issued a top ten of iconic wankers for their duties in the global "mental wanking participation category" and here are their top 10:

1) Kim Jong Un / a premium tosser
2) Bill Clinton / a perfect ambassador for tossing and blowing
3) George Bush / no comment required, he's just a wanker!
4) Adolf Hitler / a notorious wanker indeed
5) Tony Blair / Bush's favourite wanking partner
6) David Cameron / perfect ambassador for Brexit tossers
7) Theresa May / only female in the tossers top ten, excellent tosser indeed!
8) Nigel Farage / ex Brexit wanker and still wanking heavily!
9) BOJO / wanks together with Farage!
10) Guess celebrity? No name required but, he is a towering tosser no doubt!

As for the physical tossers list issued by the WHO here are their top 5 wankers who people, whilst wanking, should admire and worship:

1) O.J. Simpson / a top wanker after many years incarceration!
2) Dennis Rodman / showed top wanker Kim Jong how to do it in a basket!
3) Cristiano Ronaldo / excellent tosser who makes babies without tickling a pussy!
4) Brad Pitt / non-stop elite tosser after getting dumped by jolly Jolie!
5) Tiger Woods / renowned tosser who once did it in a "hole in one!" now has a 6 over par tossing rate!

So there you have it people, please feel free to have a toss now and then, do not worry about your hands dropping off and, in another ten years, the WHO and UN will declare blow-jobbing and anal sex as their next global folks-sport!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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