Written by Red.S.Crotum
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Wednesday, 16 August 2017

image for Kim Jong Un applies for US citizenship
I just want a nice famiry

In a surprise development, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Un has applied for US citizenship. Self-styled "Big Dog Nukie Kimbo", who turns turns 12 this year, is apparently over being a ruthless dictator. "I jus want to be rike other kids, be in a nice famiry, shoo a few hoops, eat burgers, hang out wiv my fliends, watch tv, pray computer games and horiday in Guam".

In his citizenship application Kimbo states he is an orphan who would like to be adopted by an American family and become an "Arr Amelican boy".

In support of his application Kim stated "Unfortunately after my daddy died all my immediate relatives mysteriously died in the following 12 months, leaving me all alone. Very bad luck befell my family, many accidents. My uncle Kim Il Duk was blown to pieces by 5,000 anti-aircraft rounds that accidentally hit his body while he was out jogging. My other uncle Kim Me Suk was run over by an army tank, 35 times - we had to bury him in a shipping container. My cousin Jak Me Off was accidentally eaten by a pack of 500 ravenous wolves when he went for a walk, blindfolded and handcuffed, in their Pyongyang Zoo enclosure."

Kim also claims he has much to offer America if they could just find the way to let him in. "I have excellent leadership and dictation skills, a Masters degree in Public Relations, a deep understanding of ballistics and nuclear fission, excellent spoken Engrish and a deep love for red buttons and President Trump".

Kimbo's previous, unsuccessful citizenship application had a 5,000 word appendix in which he threatened to "reduce the American slaves rat's nest to a smouldering pile of cockroach-infested faeces". Kimbo claims that was a typing error and has pleaded with Homeland Security officials to let bygones be bygones and approve his latest application.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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