Written by Jaggedone
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Tuesday, 1 August 2017

image for Aussie thief gets nicked getting pissed on duty!
Latest ruling for wannabe burglars in Australia; never booze whilst on duty!

Aussies, renowned for their drinking habits and boozing all other competitors under the table, especially Brits, have now been found out not to be quite such Spartanic boozers!

A well known boozing burglar in Esperance, West Australia, broke into a rather opulent home whilst the female owner was out doing what most opulent women do, shopping until they are dropping!

She returned to her home around midday gasping for a glass of expensive champagne after her strenuous trip to the local designer outlet only to find several bottles of the very expensive liquid standing on her gold-rimmed wine cabinet, empty!

Suspicion arose as she noticed a trail of champagne drops on the floor leading to her bedroom and, low and behold, there lie the boozed burglar between her black silk sheets, snoring his bonce off and totally canned!

The police arrived, arrested the intruder, who stunk of expensive champagne, and dragged him into a waiting ambulance just in case the poor chap may have suffered an overdose of alcohol poisoning!

He managed to murmur a few words and here they are; "Sorry, burp, to let down the reputation, burp, of Aussie male, macho boozers, burp, but I did my best, burp!" He then passed out with a "ripping headache!"

The Aussie flag was then hung at half-mast after the news broke on all Aussie pubs! Ex-pat Aussies boozers in London, in grief, wearing black armbands, were last seen exiting pubs cussing about their lost position as Nr1 booze nation and blaming damn Limeys once again for their misery...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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