Written by Butch
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Topics: travel

Friday, 28 July 2017

image for Dull, Boring, and Bland Travel Tips

If you are planning a vacation this year there are many jovial and fascinating places you could go in the world! Every trip you grow from and cherish for years to come. I still talk about the time I spent in Spain when I was in high school. Drinking strawberry daiquiris on the beach in Barcelona and our tour bus driver parallel parking a coach bus in rush hour traffic. Now those were time times! Here are some honest recommendations for the adventurous spirit within you.

First, let's start our investigation off horribly wrong in the United Kingdom more specifically, Dull, Scotland. This destination is a village within the county of Perth and Kinross near the center of this rainy country. There are only around 20 homes within this village, and truly nothing could be duller than spending a few nights in the area. Glasgow is around 75 miles south of Dull, so at least there is something to do if you are willing to leave. The village sign says 'welcome to Hell...I mean Dull.' The biggest thrill is the traffic leaving Dull. No tourist is happier leaving this crappy spot on the map. Google Maps won't even show on in their satellites. That tells me a lot!

Next stop is Boring, Oregon located within the lousy continental United States. This city has a population of around 8,000 inhabitants and it seems to have Dull beat. One of the most exhilarating things to happen in Boring was the recognition of Dull and Boring having similar uninteresting names. So the towns teamed up and in Oregon they celebrated their first Boring and Dull Day, which is a new freakin' state holiday! The festival featured an ice cream social, bagpipe players, a barbershop quartet, and a flag salute. Needless to say suicide rates drop drastically on this major holiday. Unfortunately they spike the very next day. However, I'd rather be entertained in Boring than twiddling my thumbs in Dull.

Finally, there is Bland Shire which is located around 310 miles west of Sydney, Australia. This town has joined the greats of Dull and Boring joining what is known as the "League of Extraordinary Communities" in a failed effort to boost tourism. Around ten years ago a local man started a gold mine in an attempt to boost its economy, which does not appear to have done the job. It's pretty bad if gold won't get people there. Most European explorers traveled the entire globe and killed millions of people in the hopes of finding some gold. Here there is a an actual mine and people couldn't be bothered! Most likely because the man the town is named after is William Bland a convicted murderer sent to Australia as a sentence for to his crimes. If that doesn't make you want to skip Bland in your travels, then I don't know what will.

When you do decide to go on that trip, whatever you choose for yourself and your loved ones this year remember it is within your power to make your trip Dull, Boring, or Bland.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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