In a shocking announcement from the Vatican this week Pope John-Paul revealed that he and a number of high ranking cardinals decided the date in a committee meeting last month. 26th March 2004 is the provisional date with Jesus' return tour expected to begin mid January.
'We are very excited about the new tour' a top ranking cardinal revealed to this reporter, 'he's got some really great new parables, as well as the old favourites and a flaming sword finale that will knock your socks off'. The Vatican is now awaiting confirmation from Satan and the anti-Christ are free that week, when asked when we can expect to hear this conformation, Cardinal Smallock replied 'As soon as Mr Bush is ready'.
People have already started to cash in on the event with Wal-mart advertising 'Armageddon survival kits' and copies of the Bible and 'the satanic bible' up 50%. The venue for the apocalypse has yet to be decided but rumours suggest 'the royal Albert Hall, London, Texas or Cliff Richard's underpants'.
The rights to broadcast the event have been sold exclusively to Rupert Murdock who will show them live on his new channel due to launch in late December.
The ultimate battle for good and evil and the souls of mankind is expected to be 'the defining event of this generation......the ultimate gig'. 'Yeah it's gonna be good, lots of salvation and fire and brimstone blood red is going to be very big next year' said the Pope in 'Christian Fundamentalist Monthly' .