Written by Backandtotheleft
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Monday, 5 June 2017

image for Trump Pulls Out (Like His Dad Should Have)
I'm too cool to care about climate change baby. Now help me stare smugly at that dying polar bear

Donald Trump has pulled the US out of the "Paris Accord" which is a climate saving deal designed to try and keep the planet alive for a few extra weeks. The deal is ratified by 195 different countries and seems to be the only thing the world can agree on without killing each other. The only ones that stand with Trump are Syria (assumedly because there's no one left in that country to sign it) and Nicaragua (who don't believe the planet actually exists). So he's in exalted company.

Mr Trump (does anybody else giggle at this?) made the announcement while burning a pile of polystyrene boxes and throwing mercury into a river. He said:

"I will only get deals that put America first. Never America second. Or America third. Or any of the bigger numbers that come after that. It is my solemn duty as (he points his thumbs at himself) this dude. To make sure American companies can destroy as much of the natural world as they can."

As if on cue dozens of bulldozers steamed towards Alaska in a desperate race to feast on the innards of that state as quickly as possible.

We at Back and to the Left News have always thought that protecting the environment was a good idea. That's why we don't drive...well that and our driving ban. But actively ignoring a agreement to not make the planet a little bit shittier is almost brain dead. It's like every morning you wake up, climb on your roof and knock holes in it. Eventually you'll get rained on.

Expect it's not your roof. It's everyone's roof and the rain is now deadly UV rays ready to give you cancer and scorch the earth like a pizza in a students oven.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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