Putin's Russia is finding locking up its gay population is becoming quite expensive, and an increase in 'prison sex' is causing major problems behind their daunting prison walls.
Prison officers now only allow gay inmates to shower separately and their water bills are rocketing. Also, lost bars of slippery soap are being flushed down the drain blocking pipes after prisoners tend to let them slip if pretending they are straight, not bent over.
So President Putin has asked for help from the Russian Orthodox church and they are about to begin experiments using Holy Water extracted from huge polluted lakes in Siberia to make gay people straight again!
The first guinea-pig gays to participate in handcuffs (no latex) seem to have joined the heterosexual community once they have drunk and been soaked in the water, which cures all evil, but gives you cancer in the process. So a nationwide roundup of all gays and lesbiennes is beginning and tank loads of the 'Holy Water' are being distributed in churches all over the country.
A Russian priest gave non-gay, Russian, Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) gay parade reporter, Pinky Ducky-Duck, the following statement:
"Yes God works in strange ways and thank the heavens this polluted with radiation 'Holy Water' is at least doing some good, but sorry, I have to rush off and attend to my choirboys?"