Written by Aspartame Boy
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Topics: Airlines, goons

Tuesday, 11 April 2017

image for Airlines to play musical chairs
Getting the plane ready for the suckers

Chicago - Unasty Airline CEO Phat N. Gooney announced to a crowded funeral gathering today that the airline is instituting a "Friendly Sky" way of dealing with overbookings.

Instead of knocking out customers, then dragging them down the isle, setting them loose so they can then attack them again, then putting them in the hospital; they came up with a much better idea. If there are not enough seats then all passengers must walk in the isle while the captain plays the Barney song, "I love you, You love me, We're a happy fam a lee" to the passengers. But when the music stops, the passengers all have to find a seat. Ones left standing will be taken down to baggage and then pushed out of the plane through a special airlock.

This new system will select out the weak and slow passengers. This will reduce risks for the STAFF, the CEO explained to the family gathered to remember the patient who died:

The patient of the doctor thrown off the airline.
The patient therefore unable to receive a life-saving operation.
The patient - the previous CEO of that same airline.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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