The Indian government have decided to introduce new legislation pertaining to bringing up children by employing monkeys in nurseries, nationwide.
After discovering a young girl who was raised by primates in the Uttar Pradesh jungle, a la Mowgli with wolves, it seems the 10 year-old girl has shown many more advanced traits, behaviourisms and general intelligence than her counterparts dragged up by human parents.
She refuses to be glued to mobile phones, eats only nutritional and healthy food, refuses to eat meat, pukes when being confronted with junk food and constantly gives love and respect to those who found her; most unusual behaviour in modern day kids!
The Indian experiment is receiving positive vibrations from other nations who just cannot bring their children up in a "natural manner". The UK, US, Australia, Canada, among others, are proposing to implement the Indian strategy by installing primates in nurseries too.
A UN spokesman, Orang Uuh-Tan, told Jaggedone' s CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) star human resource reporter, Chim Pan-Zee, that they will also be employing primates in Syria, Somalia, Iraq, and other war zones, in their peace keeping army (my pink butt!) because the job they are doing is quite pathetic. And by having monkeys as officers it seems they can convey similar positive traits to warring factions much better than humans!
US President Trump and President Putin are slightly cool on the idea as it seems monkeys could spoil their fun!