Written by thomas o'hanlon
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Topics: life

Monday, 27 March 2017

image for Morrisville Woman run out of hangers, not dismayed
possibly what Alice may look like in the Spring

Alice Sweeney of Morrisville Pennsylvania has a clothing storage dilemma. "I've run out of hangers" she told as we sat in a booth at the Plymouth diner. "and I'm not about to buy anymore, never bought a hanger in my life, they've just always been thereā€¦ like pens. Never bought a pen in my life but that never stopped me from signing my checks"

It was a typically cold February day but the diner was heated comfortably. Despite that, Alice was bundled in many layers of blouses, sweaters, jackets, and coats. "So now I wear whatever I cannot hang up, rather than piling stuff up on a table or chair, that would be ridiculous." Alice paused to bring her coffee cup to hers lips, a task of bending her elbow within the 12 layers of wool and cotton and leather. "So I am always warm, haven't turned the heat on back at the house since last winter. I rotate my apparel daily so the inner most blouse is tossed in the hamper every evening."

I asked her how much time it took each evening to disrobe, discard the inner blouse and re-dress, adding a new blouse.

"Oh it takes a good twenty minutes and I'm not happy about that. It seems like I'm wasting a lot of time but what's the alternative, buy hangers? I don't think so"

I asked Alice what she plans on doing in the Spring when the weather warms up. She stared at me as if she didn't quite hear the question so I started to ask her again and she cut me off

"Are you serious? You think I'm a moron? I put all my winter clothes in the attic in the spring, you think I would walk around looking like this in the warm weather. Hah! That would be silly!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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