Written by StubbornGorilla
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Monday, 13 March 2017

image for Scientists fail to prove that pollution still exists to idiots

After letting close minded politicians and other agenda pushing brain apes bamboozle them with conflicting theories on climate change, scientists again get boned when they try to reassert the concept of pollution.

"I consider it fake news," President Trump declared after eviscerating the EPA, and basically allowing companies to dump whatever they want wherever they want.

In one of his most Presidential sounding statements, Trump declared, "It was cute when the Simpsons showed that three eyed fish in one of their shows, but let's face it; God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt. I believe a credible source came up with that. Maybe it was me. I'm known to use good words to say smart things. Maybe I came up with that, and just forgot about after coming up with so many amazing ideas afterwards. Either way, I will go with God on this one, and tell all those climate freaks to calm the F down."

When a representative from CNN pointed out that pollution isn't the same things as climate change, the President quickly replied, "We've said this to you tree huggers like a billion times, the jury is still out on this, so stop trying to steal money from hard working businesses to give to your moochie handout cases!"

The CNN representative was quickly ejected from the press briefing, and called a "fake newser".

Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan stood up to support his President along with likely campaign contributors to echo the shared sentiment of skepticism for the results of research conducted by the world's top scientists. "You have to be very wary of bias from these intellectual elite types. They love to be right at all costs, with no consideration given to what works best and easiest for republica...I mean Americans."

Ryan was asked if he doubted the dangers of drinking contaminated water, to which he replied, "I have never seen any evidence of contaminated water. You show me that, and we will talk."

The situation that occurred in Flint Michigan was brought up, but Ryan was not swayed. "Was it ever proven that the problem was actually the water? I've heard from alternative scientists that suggest it was actually small monsters that infested the pipes in Flint that were attacking residents when they tried to drink them. The water itself was fine, since there is no such thing as global warming."

A member of the associated press asked "who said anything about global warming..." Before he could finish his thought and state that they were talking about pollution, Ryan interrupted, "You did. You just said it." Before the reporter could reply, Ryan asked the group, "You all heard him right? He said it. Global warming. I thought you guys stopped calling it that because it is still cold sometimes and it makes you look stupid."

Some top scientist were asked to respond, but they all threw up their hands and shrugged.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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