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Saturday, 11 March 2017

image for Zimbabwe's Mugabe unhappy about wasabi in Abu Dhabi
Images often accompany news articles to help explain the content

Robert Mugabe was spotted in a Japanese restaurant in the United Arab Emirates arguing with a waiter about the condiments. The ageing dictator is known to be partial to seafood, and also enjoys spicy food like wasabi - a hot green condiment often served with sushi.

According to bystanders, he was dissatisfied with the wasabi, as it had apparently been mixed with marmite. Marmite is a common relish sold in the UK and made from toilet scrapings.

The tyrant vented for ten minutes at staff who could do nothing but nod politely. After talking down to them for a long while, he made what could be an apology, saying "I will never again patronise your restaurant." The word patronise can mean to talk down to in an insulting way, but can also mean to visit when used in conjunction with an eatery.

Thankfully a fellow customer had the presence of mind to covertly record the African murderer's tirade so that we could all enjoy it on the internet. The internet is a global collection of computers linked over telephone wires which allows photographs and text to be shared between nerds.

It is not known what happened after Mugabe left the restaurant, but it is believed he may have returned to his hotel to sleep. Sleep is an animal's way of recharging its batteries, by closing the eyes and letting the brain shut off for a few hours.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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