Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Wednesday, 18 January 2017

image for US Senate To Investigate Recent Rash Of Feminist Crotch Grabbing Incidents
A topless protester grabs president Trump in the crotch. "Grab Patriarchy By The Balls" is written on her back.

After a topless feminist protester grabbed President Trump by the crotch while he was visiting a wax museum in Madrid, Spain, a wave of copycat attacks have plagued men who are caught alone in elevators, offices and public places.

As the attacks spread from Europe to the US, world leaders have been calling feminism the new terrorist threat.

US Senator James Inhofe (R-Asshole) announced that the Senate Armed Services Committee will look into the reports of the copycat attacks on men's privates by feminists.

"We have to ask ourselves if we want to live in a world where women can just grab a strange man's private parts and then just laugh it off as a joke. We're going to have an inquisition into this issue and I'm sure we'll find that somehow Bill Cosby's accusers and Hillary Clinton are behind these attacks on male dignity."

The US president for his part didn't react much during the attack other than to give a thumbs up and smile as security pulled the topless protester away from him, though later he Tweeted a complaint about her looks.

"If she had been a 10, or at least a 9, it would have been better. I guess they don't get the real lookers in the feminists."

"But, did you you see I didn't overreact when she grabbed me, I think women and these feminists need to stop overreacting when someone grabs their crotch."

To avoid the assaults, police are advising men to travel in groups, especially at night and when walking in dark areas. Police say men can also wear athletic cups to protect from being hurt if they are forcefully grabbed in the crotch area by feminist attackers.

Senators Inhofe and Ted Cruz have taken to wearing their athletic cups outside of their pants--Clockwork Orange style--to show solidarity with the assault victims.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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