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Saturday, 14 January 2017

With concerns among liberals of mass deportations in the near future, a surprise announcement was made today by the White House staffing officials concerning an approved influx of legal immigrants coming to the United States.

Described in the press statement as "mostly eights, nines, & tens, with maybe a few sevens" dozens of Eastern European women living in Prague are to move to the United States.

The women who mostly work now as escorts or prostitutes, are to improve their lives & serve their adopted nation as Secret Servicewomen once naturalized. The staffing officials have stated the women were thoroughly vetted & have been found to be "highly skilled & capable."

Republican leaders heralded the effort as an example for legal immigration policy.

We managed to interview some of the prospective special agents from Prague over a video web chat. Nastya, born in St. Petersburg, recently earned her bachelor's & is eager to hunt down criminals. Ilyana, born in Belarus, is excited to find a job where she'll have an opportunity to do good in the world.

Julia, from Berlin, wants to follow in her father's footsteps who was an officer for the Staasi. Rita, a native to Prague, finds her current lifestyle boring & hopes that in the United States, she'll be able to enjoy more exciting work in a new home.

Most of the women have bachelor's degrees, all have worked hard to put themselves through school, and they routinely exercise. If all goes as planned, the majority of the women should emigrate by spring, complete training, and become Secret Service agents by the end of the year.

The Department of Homeland Security described the development as "huge."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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