Written by Johnny Moodis
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Topics: Food, McDonalds

Tuesday, 2 December 2003

image for McDonalds to Shut Down Under Weight of PETA Protests
It's over, Ronald ... it's all over.

George Kroc, CEO of McDonalds, announced today that the hugely successful fast food franchise will be closing its doors for good at the end of the year due to intense pressure from the animal rights organization PETA.

"PETA finally succeeded in wearing us down to the point where we're conceding defeat and shutting down," said Kroc, "Their constant protests and rallies at our locations just became too much for us to bear."

PETA activist Marcia Lovekitty said that her organization was overjoyed by their latest victory in their war on animal rights violators.

"It was a long hard road, making all those 'McDonalds is Murder' T-Shirts and chaining ourselves to their cash registers, but it finally paid off," said Lovekitty, "But our work is far from over. We won't rest until all the fast food franchises are out of business and animals rule the Earth."

Lovekitty's apocalyptic statement may actually turn out to be true. Wilson Aldridge, CEO of Burger King, stated in an address that the closing of McDonalds may have set a fatal precedent for the other franchises.

"Obviously the closing of McDonalds will send a ripple effect through all of the fast food industry," said Aldridge, "We will hold an emergency meeting of the board to discuss our future, but I'm afraid that terminating Burger King is a very real possibility."

The McDonalds closing ironically marks the very first time PETA has accomplished anything. But now that they have this success under their belt, their influence will most likely spill over onto other industries.

"Oh, we're going after everybody," said Lovekitty, "The fur industry, the fishing industry, rodeos, roadkill, you name it. We are hoping to shut them all down by 2005."

Despite the loss of it's fast food franchise, the McDonalds Corporation will continue to thrive in its other branches of nuclear energy, gun manufacturing and landfill development. The surplus food left over will be donated to the Red Cross for famine relief.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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